I don't want to remember

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(Cr: tumblr)

I can't explain this feeling. I somehow find it comforting to feel the cut because it means that I still have a heart. That I am not entirely numbed by the pain. That I'm not as cold as I thought I was. Despite all the incessant bunch of bull that filled my mind, for a moment, I know it mattered because it hurts. It does, unknowingly.

It's a surprise I'm not even crying right now although I feel like the world has just deprived me of the happiness I thought I deserved. I've tried to shrug this thought for as long as I could remember but I'm finally pulling up the white flag. Fine, I'll succumb to it already. I will now give in to the fact that perhaps, the 'constant' is indeed not cut out for me. My faith is honestly hanging by a thread. I'll put it bluntly now - I have honestly given up. Don't wanna try no more.

Take life one day at a time and see where I'm destined to be. Till then, I don't wish to talk about it. Nobody shall bring this up. At all. Because


Ps, I'd like to think of it as a loss, but then again, you can't really lose something you never had. 

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