Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here because I remember it all too well

It had actually never occurred to me that maybe this was all a build up of all my actions. Like I brought this all up upon myself. I had a dream yesternight. A nightmare in fact. Was much too full of negativities, I shall say. Portrayed my weaknesses accurately and I don't like that. I was so upset the moment I woke up, and got my day ruined instantly. Spent most of my time trying to decipher that whole entire scene but couldn't make any sense out of it. I know it's somewhat stupid to try and make sense out of a mere dream because all it ever was was probably just a trick of the mind. But then again, most dreams are actually messages from the subconscious mind, isn't it? 

I'm not quite sure if this is mere coincidence or not, but I happen to stumble upon an old conversation between me and the subject (yes, the same one that appeared in my dream) which I don't even know existed. It has been there, in my phone these whole entire time. I was curious as to what it contain, so I opened the file and took a trip down the memory lane with extreme trepidation. I really didn't know what to expect. Everything was beautiful, plain bittersweet memories. I could remember exactly how I felt at that particular point of time. It's almost like reliving the past. How in the hell did it all come to this now? Got me crying buckets. Curiosity definitely killed the cat.

"What hurts the most, was being so close. Having so much to say, and watching you walk away.."

It must've been about someone and/or something important if it got me affected this much, eh? I don't really wanna say much about that because I'm trying to keep this post as neutral as possible. Let's just put it this way. It was about something that has contributed significantly in my life, but didn't make it to this present state, unfortunately.

This whole emotional turmoil is really draining. I think things would definitely be so much better if people actually have the guts to express themselves. Could've save us all from all the trouble. Applies to me as well. I'm going to be honest on this, because I've had my fair share of leaving things hanging and exiting by the back door. I wanna get this point across, that it was never my intention to cause any hurt or grief. Not like as if I'm significant or worth it, anyway.

Been feeling pretty down lately. I don't know if I could blame it all on the hormones, but it pretty much sucked to be in my shoes at this point of time. I get easily affected over the littlest things. Sigh.

I had some me time over at McCafe earlier. Dedicated half the day to having a date with myself. For the most part, all of us are followers at one time or another. Therefore it sure felt good to be in control of things for a bit. Like where I wanna settle, what I'd like to have. No room for indecisiveness when you're on your own. I think I might just end up being comfortable in solitude. I figured that I should probably stay away from human contact for the sake of all mankind. I don't see any good in myself. Like I have nothing to offer. No reverse psychology intended. I'm starting to feel comfortable living in my little bubble because at the end of the day, all we really have is ourselves.

Maybe I should fix myself.